A couple of weeks ago, I was complaining on Facebook about how threadbare my clothes were getting. I had just done my semi-quarterly closet redux and discovered I didn’t have much to get rid of and what I chose to get rid of wasn’t that great. I made some flippant comment about a clothes fairy coming and putting new stuff in my closet. A friend (I don’t see her very often) noticed it and commented on how she had a bunch of stuff she wanted to get rid of and brought me 2 big bags of clothes, shoes, belts and scarfs! I was in heaven. While we are basically the same size, our body types and taste in clothes are much different. She’s into loose and flowy tops (they look amazing on her) while I am into more tailored stuff. The loose stuff always makes me look like I am 3 sizes bigger than what I actually am. I found a bunch of stuff that worked though…thankfully she had a closet full of pencil skirts and she brought me some. HAHA the jeans were hilarious…I loved how they looked off, but my hips are so weird/wide that I just can’t wear low-rise jeans. My oldest step-daughter even found some stuff that works for her, as did her friend and there was one hoodie that worked for my youngest step-daughter. The rest is going to goodwill with some of the better pieces from my closet.
The sad thing is that it has been so long since I had hung out with anybody that wasn’t family or under 13 years old, I had forgotten how to talk. I think we had a good time though. I had wanted to buy her lunch, but in my awkwardness I think she thought I was fishing for her to buy mine! We ended up just buying our own and so I think later I will buy her some pet food for her non-profit pet pantry to thank her for the stuff.
We have this other mutual friend who has kind of dropped out of touch with us. She put up this passive-aggressive comment about feeling left out and how she must be a terrible friend because no one wants to be around her. It aggravated me for a few reasons 1. She is the one that stopped making contact. 2. She always makes these type of comments about everything and I am tired of stroking her ego (I have no energy for it) 3. It was the first time in almost 2 years that I hung out with my friend, why should I feel guilty about that? We didn’t purposefully leave her out of the loop, it was a bit of a spur of the moment type of thing and it was out there on facebook that we were getting together so she could have asked to join. I do understand that she might have felt left out…I’ve been there myself, but take it up privately with the parties involved don’t blare it across facebook so that other people can stroke your ego. I wouldn’t have put up my comment about the clothes if I had realized it was going to get the response it got (it was a bit tongue in cheek) Of course, I’m glad it did. I just never get the passive-aggressive route to get your way. My husband does it sometimes and when I point it out, he usually says “it is better than being aggressive-aggressive like you!” I tend to be blunt about most things…if you hurt my feelings or I don’t agree with you I will tell you…privately. Part of me wants to bring it up to her, but I have before and she just says “oh you are right!.” then goes back to the same pattern of behavior. I know it is a habit she needs to break and until she truly sees the pattern herself…well it will continue. I used to have so much more patience for her and people in general, but chronic pain has just stripped that away. My husband has mentioned that I am not as tolerant as I used to be towards things and I am trying to work on it. I just always feel so trapped in this body that I am losing my ability to empathize with other people.
The first friend had put up a status about having a good lunch with me and I had posted back that I would like to do it again when it was warmer and we could have a picnic lunch at a park. Her reply made me cry…she said she didn’t know how I dealt with this on a daily basis and that she just didn’t realize how bad it had gotten for me. She typed that she wished there was more recognition for collagen disorders. I think I got most upset because I think she thought for a long time that I was using my pain and illness as an excuse to not hang out…now that she knows better I think what has been an admittedly strained friendship may get back to better footing!
Also, once I can get past the aggravation at her post. I am going to try to reopen communication with my other friend. She is the type that needs lots of reassurance and encouragement and when my situation changed I wasn’t able to give her that. I had hoped that with her new job and husband, she would get new confidence or at least get a little bit tougher. I guess I also haven’t gotten over the fact that she quit talking to me for a while because she thought I would judge her harshly for her relationship decisions. I was hurt because if she had known me at all she would have known that wasn’t true. She has some serious emotional issues and I know that means I should be there even more, but I am not sure that I can be…sadly, I am at a point that I need to be the one that is being cosseted.